Walking the Dogs - True Story

At the request of my friends, I am adding my story about walking my dogs:

As some of you may know, I have been trying to walk every weekday. 
I try to leave the house by 8:10am as it is cooler and there are 
less people walking because they are taking their children to 
school. This is important because I like to take my dogs with me. 
It keeps my pace up because Daisy drags me behind her. The dog 
whisperer would not approve, the dogs obviously do not view me as 
their leader.

Monday morning's walk began late because Bob did not have to go 
into the office until 9:00. I kept looking at the clock watching 
the minutes slowly tick away, imagining more and more walkers 
crowding the sidewalks, knowing I would be forced the walk on the 
grass or in the street to keep them from being molested by the 
dogs. I could feel the sun getting hotter and hotter as I waited 
for Good Morning America to wrap up and Bob to mosie on upstairs 
to get ready for work. You ask why I didn't just leave and go for 
my walk? Bob mentioned several times how great it was to have 
this morning to enjoy together! So I tried to force myself to 
relax and enjoy the morning while stressing about my walk. Maybe 
I just wouldn't go, its late, its hot and now I'm totally off my 
schedule. I go the computer to check my email. OOOh, pictures 
from the engagement party. I see a picture of myself and I know 
in that instant I must go for a walk today and every day for the 
rest of my life.

I get out my walking outfit. Yes outfit, I have one for the hot 
weather and one for the cold. Today is really hot, at least 85 at 
9:00am. I put on my black sweat shorts and my black tank top. Yes 
black, it is slimming, hot, but slimming. I put on my tennis 
shoes at the top of the stairs and I say the words the dogs long 
to hear, "Lets go on a walk"! Shadow immediately starts his old 
dog descent down the stairs. Slowly, one by one. Daisy catches 
on to what is happening and barrels down the stairs knocking 
Shadow against the wall. His little feet scatter in all 
directions trying to gain traction.! He is unsuccessful and bumps 
his way down at least 5 stairs to the landing! I quickly catch up 
to him and check him for injuries. He is okay and still is 
excited to go on the walk. So we begin.

The first 5 minutes is given over to the dogs peeing and pooping. 
Which I dutifully pick up. Thereby verifing that I am not the 
leader of the pack, but somewhere low on the totem pole. Finally, 
we begin the steady climb of our first steep hill. It is really 
hot, I start breathing (panting) with my mouth. As I am nearing 
the top of the hill, I begin to choke. OMG! what is happening? I 
realize I have a bug in my mouth! I can feel it at the back of my 
throat. I begin to gag and heave! I can't get it out! Gross!!! 
Yuck!!! Gross!! Yuck!! I collect some saliva in my mouth and spit. 
It pathetically drips down the front of my chin and onto my 
shirt. I don't care, because I am once again gagging and heaving. 
Am I going to throw up right here on Alton parkway? I try to 
hawk up a big lugie, like a man would do. I make that horrible, 
disgusting, throaty inhalation noise gathering up every thing in 
my mouth and throat and spit it out! Grossing myself out, which 
again makes me want to throw up! The spit ball falls two inches in 
front of me because this time I actually leaned forward so I 
would'nt get it all over me. No luck, OMG! The bug is still 
there, I think I swallowed it! I can feel the behemoth of a gnat 
in my windpipe! UGH! HELP!! What do I do? I take a drink of 
water to wash it down. EEEW! Gag!! but I lived! I continue with 
my walk.

The leash tightens with tension, Daisy begins to pull and strain 
against the leash. There is a lady with a dog ahead of us, I'll 
just wait and let her get further ahead of me, out of sight and 
begin again. Oh my goodness, this lady is walking so slow, I'm 
going to pass her even if I just stand here! I decide to cross 
the street. As we step up on the curb, we startle a bunny into 
the brush next to the sidewalk. Shadow lunges for it! He then 
lets out a yelp and jumps into the air! He has run right into a 
low branch and been struck in the chest. I check him for puncture 
wounds. He appears to be alright. We begin again.

Once again the leash tightens and my arm is nearly yanked out of 
its socket! S@#t!!! That lady with the dog has crossed the street 
and is coming towards us!!! AAAAHHHH! I step off the curb to 
cross the street and my ankle gives way below me. I'm catapulted 
forward into the street! My legs pound the pavement in large 
ungainly steps, while my upper body is falling towards the 
pavement with alarming speed. I stick out my arms to break (my 
fall or or my arms, maybe both). The dogs scatter out of the way. 
Miraculously, my feet catch up to my upper body and I am saved 
from major road burn and broken limbs. Thank you God! The lady 
walks by me and smiles, am I Okay? Yeah, lady, if you only knew!! 
I decide at that moment, that I am done walking and turn into 
the first street that gives me direct access to the quickest way 
home.

I reach home with no further incident. I unleash the dogs and go 
inside. I look at the clock. I've been gone 15 minutes!